siri procastination

ok. aku mmg suka bertangguh. kadang boleh je siap awal tp dh mmg jadi habit. mmg mkn diri & byk chances aku terlepas disebabkan pe'el bughok neh.

so di sini aku akn mula mencatat segala benda yg aku dok tangguh & hampir/dahpun membawa kemudaratan kepada diri sendiri. supaya xprocastinate lagi. supaya ingat dan sedar diri, dan takdelah pastu rasa nkhentuk kepala dan kata "APSAL AKU XBUAT HARITU!"

30/1/13
KPI data verification (sistem penilaian prestasi - siapa kerja kerajaan taula mende ni) -  i should have verified the data time pihak pengurusan buka special slot utk org2 baru mcm aku = 12 hari lepas. tp tak. btangguh. konon xde idea nak isi bhgn 'aktiviti luar' (padahal mmg xjoin pape pon).  masuk minggu ni, bos mula bagi markah KPI. aku dok tercangak lah, sbb bila my KPI tak di verified, jd bos tak boleh nilai. pastu ketaq pala sbb xsetel - harus takot bos marah kn. pastu br kalut email orang pngurusan. dh kena sound. nasib baik kowtim ayat baik punya, dia tlg buka slot blk. fuh laju2 aku sahkan. kesimpulan - padan muka neves sampai hilang selera makan lunch.

beralih angin (total rant&depressing thoughts)

omg neves gel

mmg dasar semua benda nak neves. tambah lagi la nktukar angin ni. lagiilaaaaa......

paling neves:
~ mana nakcari rumah sewa
~ transpot (rumah-tmpt keje........i really hate my driving-fearing-self right now)
~ new job environment & jobscope (like, colleagues' xpectations&hospitality&friendliness, or mcmana kalo depa soh travel somewhere, keep moving here and there [did i tell u the job title is PEGAWAI PROJEK, hello??apakah?knapa x ordinary librarian?] => ok, berbalik kpd ketakutan driving, dhla pusat kl)
~ sampai bila kena keje kl, i'm so lah kampung girl ok. i hate traffic jams, tolls at every roads/streets, congested areas, expensive mknn etc.

kesedihan:
~ parting from Nyenyet.....will she recognize me when i'm back home this Raya?...wont be able to hug&kiss her once she wakes up / b4 she goes to sleep anymore...padahal itulah rutin harian sejak ada baby kt umah. will miss her sweet baby smell...cuddling her to sleep...the toothless grins...the 'ta ta ta ga ga ma ma ba ba ge geh'...the cute wailing...the nonsensical sense of humour...the soft body...the dainty fingers...omg i need to hv my own baby right now
~ parting from mom n dad.....talking tru phone xseseronok face to face
~ parting from tilam (not bantals, since i'll be taking them together, harussss)
~ parting from home (cooking, lepaking, total security that u feel when u're within ur comfort area with ppl who u love, who wont stab u, whom u can depend on, where u can b at total ease)
~ parting from the LAIDBACK LIFESTYLE yang telah terbiasa selama half a year ini huhuhuhu

huhuhuhuhhuhu

earthquake, for real?

this is the immediate post panic reaction to the movement of, i swear, the earth i'm living now. this is very VERY RARE. the most tragic natural disaster that Malaysia has ever faced was...the remaining of the Acheh's tsunami back in 2005/06? where small parts of the northern region were affected, some properties destroyed, lives lost. i mean, even that small amount (if compared to where it happened i.e Acheh) was the national BIGGEST concern. i was in my first or second year at IIUM then and the movement was about less than 30seconds i think? the one just now was about 3-5minutes. and ohmaigad it scared the crap out of me!

my first thoughts/reactions?
1. some wild beast under my bed? (checked the bed, seriously)
2. (looked at the door) WHY IS THE DOOR MOVING TOO?
3. IS IT NOW? THE APOCALYPSE? KIAMAT? (F.R.A.N.T.I.C)
4. where're my parents right now? r they safe? (they went to kedah, called them but missed)
5. is the baby ok? (went to check aimi)
6. (updated FB status)

whatever it is, YA ALLAH, PROTECT MY FAMILY & I FROM ANY DISASTER. PROTECT US MALAYSIANS FROM ANY CALAMITY. AMEENN

yuk key elle!

this one can be considered as entry tergempaq

just want to note down that m having an interview this coming monday. itis @KUIS for the librarian position.

ok agak freak out sikit sbb xhengat which librarian position had i asked for aritu. wey dh 2 bln + kot anta appl. form tuh dorg xbg respons papepon. aku ni cananggg la kta KUIS kejam dhla x pnggil, x acknowledge pghantaran form plak tu. tut tut last week call xnyempat soh pi intebiu. xdn nk antaq surat panggilan katanya. EMM OKAY

so, insyaAllah this wud be the first ever interview regarding librarianship.

(wait a sec. dang i had one back in 2010 wth britsh council for librarian ASSISTANT but they rejected me. dhla ssh kne critical thinking nk isi form die tu, janji nkbgtau reasons knape xnk amek aku smp skg abok pon tadak)

ANYWAYS
this is my first time of applying for a permanent librarian post. sbb nk tegar kn, so kna beria sket. sket je, xsmp tahap poyo. beria in the sense that check institution bground objctvs achvmnts wants/needs (e.g. whch librrn vacancy) etc AND my credibility (i.e. all learnt theories&applications plus experiences too).

in which satu haram pon xstadi lg. mmg haram sbb dhlupa kot mende2 covered during my study dolu. tula byk sgt mkn asam. tapi kalo die tnya mende2 grammar OK gak sbb dan prektis 2 bln. ok xkaitan. u're not applying for cikgu position rubz

GABRA NI GABRA. APA DIA NKTNYA AA ESOK.
malu dowh kta masters tp cikai. tidakkk aku harus mnjaga nm baik institusi tersayangku UIA itu. serta x-lectures, classmates, admin staff, pakgad ruqayyah etc.

huhu...
sepbek makabahmatasiah ikot pi skali. xbyk pon tenang sketla kot. c asiah tu syokla bley ponteng skolah hr isn sbb intebiunya isn. adaka patut mak aku encourage dia ponteng. xpatut xpatut (nada jeles sbb time lepas PMR dulu skolah jauh benor xdek makbapak nklayan jln2. sngguh ces)

smpt lagi cr doa

1. Doa hilang neves

Surah at-Talaq : 2 - 3 (ayat seribu dinar) + Ayat Kursi

2. 1 Doa time solat before pi intebiu. (i.e. xkesah wajib or sunat; after surah al fatihah rakaat first)

Surah al-Isra' : 78 - 80

panjangggggg. xsmpt nk cari.

2.2 baca pas alfatihah rakaat kedua: Surah Nashr (iza jaa ansrullahi wal fath)
2.3 pas bg salam bc: Ayat Kursi & surah al-Quraysh
2.4 finally bc time berdoa':


Wahai Tuhanku,
aku memohon pertolongan dengan Mu dan saku menyerah diri kepada Mu. Wahai Tuhanku, mudahkanlah untukku kesukaran pekerjaanku dan mudahkanlah untukku kesukaran perjalananku dan rezekikanlah daku kebajikan lebih banyak dari yang saya minta dan palingkanlah daripadaku segala kejahatan.

Wahai Tuhanku, lapangkanlah dadaku, dan mudahkanlah urusanku. Wahai Tuhanku, bahwasanya aku memohon pemeliharaan Mu dan mempertaruhkan kepada Mu diriku, agamaku, ahliku dan kerabat-kerabatku dan segala nikmat yang telah Engkau berikan kepadaku dan kepada mereka, baik mengenai akhirat mau pun mengenai dunia, peliharakanlah kami semua dari segala kejahatan, wahai Tuhan yang mulia.

ku akui kesucian Mu wahai Tuhanku..
Amin,Ya Rabbil Amin..

3. Doa before langkah masuk intebiu

i) al Fatihah
ii) ayat Kursi
iii) 3 Qul
iv) doa nabi Musa (rabbisy shrohli sadri wayassirli amri...)

All the BEST, misz rubz. believe in urself, pray hard, insyaAllah u can do it. Go Go Go!

gatai

one of the classes that i'm teaching asked me to be their guru pengiring for their year-end trip to Cameron Highland. seemed that they have asked other teachers but none are willing to go because of the PMR etc. aku pa lagi ketaq pala, kesian tu kesian, tp .................................. I'm not paid on weekends, guys, sy ni gaji hari je ~~~ lgpon tak pernah kot ikut rombongan skolah SEBAGAI cikgu.

ekculi seekculinya sy takut.

takut tak pandai control budak pastu dorg jd tak terkawal, 

takot tak pandai bergaul (e.g. memboringkan/awkward) dgn budak pastu affect r'ship kitorg/my teaching dlm kelas,

takot tak pandai kwl keadaan pastu ada bdk yg hilang/cedera/histeria/sakit

PALING TAKOT: tak pandai control diri sendiri............why????? sebabnya....

                  bila sy SANGAT menjadi diri sendiri, maka sy akan

                  - tak brapa nk matang dlm berpakaian (e.g. too casual/comell sangat)

                  - tak brapa nk berhemah dlm percakapan (pencarutan guna usual tongue pekat utara vs. English as in class je)

                  - tak brapa nk sopan santun dlm perlakuan (e.g. ghalit shopping/tido@mkn loklaq/kalut/cepat panik/overly laid back/garuk bontot/)

kesimpulannya = tak brapa ke'cikgu'an. lalu bila di kelas, bdk x bape respek

so knapa 'gatai?

just found out the other guru pengiring ====> my light crush (light=permulaan/main-main)

so

terus rasa gatai

ouw..meowwwww

kelirunyeeeeee nk pegi ke taknakkk

kebetulan time tu konvo. patut mmg xley ikot xkesahla gatai ke x. tp bdk2 tu snggup nk tukar tarikh trip ke the next week..adoh

Moving on to the new 'lekuk lama'

The teaching-reluctant-me is Back To Teaching

it's an SBP, methinks it should be better than the last time. ye lah budak2 pandai. i can just concentrate on delivering knowledge without having to yell every 15mins to stop the students from chatting loudly/sleeping or  for not bringing textbooks/workbooks/exercise books.

tapi setelah ditarbiah oleh PK1 me is feeling the heavy burden nowww. rupanya bila overall budak ialah pandai & mudah diajar,  cikgu kna target budak yg lemah/tak capai target so that depa bley selari dgn budak lain. i mean, personally engage - ask them what are their problems and give tuition to them. like staying after working hours for tuition?

and he reminded me to be creative in class, make the students feel attracted to English, encourage them to be eager to participate in class esp. the F2 students because apparently the batch is quite weak in Engl as compared to the other batches.

and he asked me to think about any extra/substantial English activities for the school cause they didnt have/dont yet have an English week and discuss with the ketua panitia for it.

YA RITE...so much for occupying free time while waiting for the real job....
so much for 'ikhlas' dalam bercikgu...

and the panicked-inclined receptor has just got the signals..

BAIKLAH
POSITIF
SAYA AKAN CUBA UNTUK IKHLAS DAN RAJIN DAN LEBIH KREATIF
insyaAllah, God be with me!